Being a disciple takes discipline, which is a form of word disciple. Jesus said, “deny yourself and follow me.” It is so easy for us to fall into the traps of this world and follow some group or collective ego mentality. The American dream is to have a job, home, and a family, but in a way that seems almost deceitful.
Finding a spouse and staying with them for life is mostly something from the past, as in the days of my grandparents. There are two driving forces of men, which is to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The most used one is avoiding pain with prescription medicines, alcohol, and street drugs. Of course, hedonism involves finding pleasure, as in sex, and the feelings you get from those three things I mention in the previous sentence, of prescription and street drugs as well as alcohol.
I will tell you that back in the days of my grandparents most couples spent lifetimes together and even slept in separate beds. Consummation did not happen for a year or more into the marriage. Courting a woman was the rule of thumb back in the day. Now we have too many dating applications and meet people online, who we have no way of knowing whether they are who they claim to be. It is so easy to dupe men and women into believing anything online nowadays. Even back in my high school days, dating involved meeting someone in person first. Of course, I went to an all boy Catholic high school, and if you did not attend any socials or meet a Catholic girl in grade or parochial school and high school, through friends or family, and get a close friendship, you were well on your own. Too, the all-girl Catholic school was right down the road. I was shy back then, even though I liked girls a lot. I was atrociously geeky and played in the band in high school and excelled in art in grade school. Thus, I was far from boyfriend material. The problem is that I already started using street drugs and alcohol and came to abuse them. I became selfishly self-pleasing, and my first adult sexual act was with an initiating prostitute while serving in the military while stationed in Colorado. Of course, after that my life continually went downhill for many years. Physical and substance abuse led me to experience psychological suffering all those years until a most recent spiritual awakening, which is still in the process of unfolding.
I got married for the first time in 2014, at the age of 55 and it was for all the wrong reasons and happened too quickly, so the divorce came about two years later or toward the ending of the honeymoon phase, when we both saw the shadow or devilish side of each other. I also graduated college that same year and became successful working in information technology for a while. Still, I dated more when I moved to a different town in 2023 and know women today, with whom I am keeping close relationships. I am keeping it sacred and going slowly, which is much different than what most of the world does anymore.
The choices of my free will and all the karmic debt I paid over these last sixty-something years along with the spiritual awakening is coming full circle of the truth for who I am.