Suffering comes before joy. Life comes before death, except for ego death, which can happen while still living this physical life.
When I first moved to Fort Smith in July 2023, it started out a little chaotic. There were people that came into my life that I would rather have not had. I learned a valuable and difficult lesson from them, anyway. While still living at that same apartment toward the beginning of 2024, I did the Facebook dating thing and met three women, whom I dated with two of them more than once. They were all nice women, but it did not last long because of so many uneasy feelings and differences. The more suffering in life, the more joy you will receive.
Then I moved to a new apartment in July 2024, where I met some nice friends, I dated once or twice. I asked two other women out but rejected for other reasons or commitments. As it is almost mid-year, I have been romantically absent for a little over a year now, and I do not know why. What am I doing wrong now that I was not back earlier when moving to this town? This external post is on the seven pillars of a meaningful life.
The More You Suffer, the More Joy You Receive Later
I am not desperate in finding a woman, but I feel at a loss and just lost my edge. I prayed and shed some tears foolishly about it but soon to let it all go. If I am not supposed to be with anyone right now, so be it. I do not believe it is about me anyway, so I am doing my best to minimize and hopefully dissolve this childish ego of mine. I attained some recent spiritual blessings and have become completely happy with who I am with finding my true self. Life before death before eternal life.
I must be able to love someone without attachment. It is a love much deeper than I have had before in this life romantically. The love is unconditional and has always been, but I was trying to author the story of myself as the hero. Therefore, all my life I have been playing this game or acting the part. This matrix or simulation still has me in its grip for now. I hope to find liberation soon. I take eleven pills a day prescribed by mostly veteran administration doctors and advanced nurse practitioners, who keep my health coordinated of being normal as possible. Through suffering, you experience joy.
Play Your Role, Even Through Pain
With recent surgeries, one in early 2025 and the other one a few weeks ago, I have learned from self-healing. I also healed from years of psychological suffering. God or my higher self, in respect to psychology, spiritually awakened me into some pure moments of God’s presence and bliss. Here is an external post about the benefits of suffering.
Some wonderful things are about to happen for me, and I am not saying they involve romance, but a better life is coming. I sense my best days ahead of me. So, if someone is supposed to be part of my life with whom I may share this enlightening spirit inside of me, then it will happen. If not, that is perfectly fine too. My first and previous post is here.
I have a good feeling and still know as a human; I will continue to make mistakes. It would be nice to find someone who accepts everything about me and understands where I am going in this life and beyond.