Navigating relationships is a learning process, and in this post, I will explore several kinds. I am not an authority on relationships, but I have learned through, mostly trial and error, the correct and incorrect way of developing relationships from the perspective of an older man, who currently is single. This research and writing may even help me in my relationships.

First, I will discuss adults forming a romantic relationship. Planned marriages started in childhood by parents, family, and cultural traditions usually do not work out. Even if the children are friends and they are old enough to date and marry, and planned beforehand, there is still that factor of choice and not going to college or getting a career first. This survey and report reference Southern Colleges and why it is more common to marry while attending college. Experiences of emotional closeness and intimacy made students perceive this to be the “right” person for them to marry.[1] Southern demography seems more marriage based. It reminds me of stories of short-gun weddings and whirlwind romances, which were more common in earlier days.

Lawfully, the age of consent is eighteen and there have been romances, like Romeo and Juliet, where teenagers ran off together but resulted in tragedy. Therefore, parental permissions are of less importance than parental blessings. If you rebelled against your parents, why would you ask for their blessings or must get married traditionally, in a church? Today it is legal for a child marriage, which activists describe as one or both parties entering a union while under age 18, remains legal in 37 US states.[2] This is something that has been common for a while.

Then there now is a disorder of attachment. Early attachment behavior and later romantic love share similarities. Differences exist between anxious/ambivalent lovers and secure lovers. Transient loneliness is a natural component of attachment-system activations.[3] The lonelier a person has been, the easier they attach to someone that wants to use them. It is a sad thing because of the loss obtained by the person attaching. It does not go well for the victim, and it gives them more of a victim mentality.

Why do some people take advantage of others? It is because they can, and they get the reward, sometimes financially, and have no remorse about it. Narcissists are good at this, and empathetic people learn hard lessons, several times like I did. There is also division between power and love, and that gives me thought of power couples, who give into much power over love. That does not work in any relationship. We fall when our power and our love become polarized: when our power is without love and our love is without power. We fall when, intentionally, or unintentionally, we make the elementary and common error of treating the relationship between power and love, which is a dilemma, as if it was a choice.[4] Thus, I believe it is better to be humble and love instead of powerful.

I heart so many stories that women want a bad boy and not the ever-so-common good guy. I now know, for me, it is not to rush  things and get into that friend zone, as so many modern-day matchmakers tell you not to do. I would rather have a long friendship before getting romantic, and there were times when romance occurred too early for me and the romance went away for one of us or both, when not comfortable or ready.

I am not sure if I have fallen in love before, but I have known women whose pupils would dilate when I looked into her eyes, but I did not reciprocate that feeling. Today, sexual drive for me is not of lust but more of a gut feeling and like how I feel love. It is all internal, but it is not that I do not enjoy the external intimacy with a woman. As I have learned over time, God is within and love comes from within, which I hope is God. Currently, I am saving myself for one woman. Sex is a sacred act and both her and me must both communicate and be comfortable, and I am sure will take a long time. That is okay.

[1] Allison, Rachel. “”Why wait?”: Early marriage among Southern college students.” Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 85, no. 4, 2023, pp. 923-940. ProQuest; eLibrary, https://explore.proquest.com/elibrary/document/3055980055?accountid=41449, doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12910.

[2] Demopoulos, Alaina. “‘I was handed to a complete stranger’: the survivors fighting to end child marriage in 37 US states — and the people who want to keep it legal.” The Guardian (Online), ProQuest; eLibrary, 09 July 2024, https://explore.proquest.com/elibrary/document/3077011375?accountid=41449.

[3] Shaver, Phillip. “Being Lonely, Falling in Love: Perspectives from Attachment Theory.” ERIC, Resources in Education (RIE), 1986, pp. 1-35. ProQuest, https://www.proquest.com/scholarly-journals/being-lonely-falling-love-perspectives-attachment/docview/63249639/se-2.

[4] Kahane, Adam. Power and Love : A Theory and Practice of Social Change, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Incorporated, 2009. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/atpa-ebooks/detail.action?docID=479225.
Created from atpa-ebooks on 2025-02-16 20:38:23.

Referenced on 16 February 2025