How I feel in the stillness without expectations? (long pause of reflection). It is not an easy answer but a hard truth.Tonight’s sunset brought a question I overheard on a video a few days ago
Stillness with only the sound of nature is a beautiful thing. Then I realize all the human chatter is ugly, even my own, at times. There is really nothing worth saying anymore, except kind words and greetings. We all have problems, and honestly no one wants to hear mine. I have backed off from sharing that my day was bad, or that I get a sharp pain in my side, or a headache that will not go away quickly. Complaining does not get anyone anywhere, but it is good to let it out. I feel God in the stillness without my or anyone else's expectations.
Yet, I need to hear this from other people, especially those I love most. I want you to share your pain with me, so we can work it out together. I want to listen to your worries and gripes without you feeling the need to apologize to me. My empathy damaged me before because of the hurtful people I let into my life, mostly because of my own stupidity. I lost so much money and material things over the years; it is not funny. After many years of repeating this mistake, I broke the cycle. I do not make friends with too many people anymore. The initial masks some people wear, which makes them seem good on a surface level, finally fall away, and their true colors shine through. Shine is a figure of speech, not as a beacon of light.
Feel God in Stillness When You Have No Expectations
I worked on myself to bring the right people into my life. Thus, I realized that I could survive on a little bit, and I do not have to bust my ass for the rest of my life. It is okay to make enough money to have fun and live a little, but for me I know it is not necessary. I am alone right now but not lonely. I get enjoyment from simple things like the silence of stillness. That is why 3 am is an hour of power for me because that is when presence and silence are most available. I am finding God through enlightenment. The Mystics on Finding God Within.
I live in the moment or now. There are times when this quietness, or stillness lets me to talk with God without thoughts or words but acceptance. It allows me to let go of this tall tale or false narrative I lived most of my life. I thought I needed people to like me, and for a long time I was looking for validations for my accomplishments.
The true battle, for me, has always been psychological, or that God and the devil are both in my head fighting it out. How inexplicable I was to believe the hallucinations or ghosts were not of my making. The creative artist in me did not understand I made my own hell from all the abuse of drugs and alcohol. The clarity of mind for doing without these substances over the years is amazingly wonderful. My mind’s eye even opened a little, like that of a young child again. My intuition blossomed and many spiritual gifts that I cannot explain very well happened to me. We truly feel God in stillness when there are no expectations.
Our Journeys Are Different
Today, I understand and have a great selfless love for myself. The egotistical mind and self-centeredness are finally starting to dissolve. It is a process, which occurs through both physical life and death. Fortunately, for a chosen few, the enlightenment arrives and the true self unfolds in an egoic death. We must learn to open our minds to heavenly realms.
We can meet God naturally before physical death without having to participate in an ayahuasca ceremony or microdosing dimethyltryptamine, which is not readily available in synthetic form because of governmental regulations.