Loneliness before the passing is like one drop of water in the huge void. The physical death occurred, and that drop is again part of the ocean. This passage reflects my life, as I have lived it. I review every detail and lose myself, either by acceptance in tears or some other emotional outlet. Once the movie replayed several times, I understand and am ready to go into the next life where new people, and a new life begin as the endless journey I am on continues.
I have noticed that people who hang onto lifelong friends and family sometimes do not pass on quickly. The people that do not keep people close, are often in transition are the ones leaving this existence quicker. It is like reading several stories and treating them as one lifetime. We build and strengthen our structures and relationships like we are the experts in our life. Throughout life, you and I have been both the puppet masters, like parents are for children, and the puppets but are not sometimes the best at it. Even as adults, our humanity shines through our failures, which most of us try to hide. I have learned to accept and even laugh at mine.
We put on act that we are in control all the time and unaccepting that we are not. It is chaotic thinking when you do not ask for help, when you know deep inside that you need it. Humans are the worst at admitting that we have a problem and must get help before the problem unravels in an unhealthy or harmful way. There are too many dreadful things that happen because of it, but if we survive through it after our admission, then we pass the lesson. The lesson takes time and repeats until we know and understand that the best teacher is the experience and not people that helped you through, though they were vital in the process.
I have also found that women are more grounded than men, while men enjoy doing things that are flighty or what may seem more masculine. A man is more of a man if he is open to the feminine side of himself. We all know that both men and women have both feminine and masculine attributes or qualities, which is natural. Those attributes and qualities need balance and point the divine inside of us. This balance is the yin and yang. I for one, can see whether a person’s balance or imbalance of the feminine and masculine side of themselves is more divine or worldly. It is good and evil as part of all of us.
In reflection, we believe in what we want, and mostly believe in someone that has authority or is an expert in the field. My expertise is diverse, but as far as training myself to become an expert at one thing, I do and will not. That is my failure. There were so many doors I could have opened but did not, but that happens to everyone. It should not be a source of shame, guilt, and that what did happen should not have happened. That itself is an aspect of control.
